I was supposed to call my psychiatrist yesterday. I sort of forgot. Well... delayed calling her until I could justify that the office was closed. Now today I'm delaying the call because I don't want to bother her. After all, if I was supposed to call yesterday and update her, she was expecting my call then. To call her now would cause her terrible inconvenience. Right?
Anyway, Mia's on strictly formula and I'm ok to start the Trazodone. I need it. I've been having more and more nightmares. About Garry. About going to see Garry. Running into him by chance. All sorts of awfulness. It's making me a little nuts, you see... right now he's denying ever cheating on me... or her. He called me crazy. Told me I was creating our relationship in my head, that we haven't been together for months and months. Told me that he liked the way our visitation was going, and that I was the one that screwed it up. Finished it off by telling me to give Mia kisses and tell her that her Daddy loved her, and that it wasn't his fault her momma was a crazy... well... I won't repeat it.
How on earth am I supposed to get closure when I'm getting that stuff thrown at me. Not to mention the fact that no one on his side of this is acknowledging that anything untoward happened. I'm feeling so completely invalidated. And the fact that he's accusing me of screwing things up. Honestly! I've told him, our door is open. He can come see Mia whenever he wants.
On another note, I've made a decision in the direction of progress. Originally... I was going to send back the jewelry he had given to me (latest being the 200.00 green amethyst necklace he gave me in November to 'match the color of my eyes') complete with ripped up, burnt pieces of pictures of the two of us with a note telling him to give them to her, sell them, throw them out, but I don't want to look at them anymore. Elaborately planned to hurt his feelings. I've now come to the conclusion that all of that is a waste of stamps and my time. I don't care about his feelings.
So I've decided to sell them. And from the earnings, I think I deserve a new piece of me jewelry. Likely a Betsy Johnson piece. Something with bows and bunnies and leopard print skulls. Betsy Johnson is the only designer that can give me all of that in one piece.
One step in the right direction.
Called the office of child support yesterday. They told me I'd have to be patient. That my case may take three months to be sent to Garry. They were unable to tell me whether or not I'd be receiving back child support. Soo frustrating. There is far too much red tape.
Life goes on. I have a date for drinks with someone I went to highschool with on Saturday. She's kind of in the same situation as me.. her daughter is turning 1 in April. Mia is excited for the birthday party. I'm excited to connect with someone who knows what I am going through. Yaay cocktails!
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